ROUGH, RAW AND RIGHT (2)

And indeed I had a call, and indeed it was a business call. Someone was having a wedding and she wants me to anchor the reception programme. Good business you might say but it wasn't one of the couple getting married that called. It was the mother of the would be groom that called. She sounds like one of those learned over 70 years old women but still agile.
"I want you to anchor my son's wedding the way you did it at Mrs. Xxxxx son's wedding. They said that you collected xxxx amount".
"They? Who are they ma?", I asked. I knew what she was talking about but was shocked that Mrs xxxx could go ahead to tell them that I actually received that amount of money from her as my fees! Dear reader, you don't want to know how much this amount is because you might decide to suggest going to get my head washed at one of the shrines for goodluck...sorry not goodluck this time (because we already have an idea of what goodluck could also mean) but
Success. I had received the said xxxx amount because the mother of the groom of that wedding was actually the sister of one of my pastors in my former church whom I have a lot of regard for. And apart from that, I felt I owed the man the honour.
Anyway, I objected and told the Mama calmly that the said fee wasn't a fee but a gesture from the woman. The Mama insisted I should do same while also calling on my ancestors, her ancestors and the host of heaven to bless me and prosper my business...I switched off my phone immediately to come back to writing you. That's Nigeria for you. Business is never business until you are considered ruthless, rude, arrogant and some other things people see as disrespectful.

Anyway, this morning as usual, as I got out of the house which entails searching for the keys from the bunch I have with me of 4 different doors, opening and closing them all, I realised that my Phone which in the past few years has become my personal assistant wasn't with me; I must have left it in my room. I gave a crazy expression and hit my forehead with my palm saying to myself "not today, not today".
I had a meeting with one of these big men who have penchants for time like I do. I would have to search for the keys of each door again, open and close them and get into my bathroom to get my phone and undertake same routine to get back toi the gate. This process takes about 10 minutes. I felt like crying. I immediately hated the Power company, the state also for the insecure nature nature of the country that caused me to have to undergo the security measures of having to go through 4 doors to get into my flat. That's how frustrated I was. It was about 5am and pretty dark. And so I made to go open the doors. And just as I was searching for the first key from the bunch, I heard a voice, a young man's voice advising me to not turn around.
"Don't turn around or else I will blow your head to pieces"
Pieces? My head?...PLEASE HOLD ON, MY PHONE IS RINGING AGAIN